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uNkLe
eD, aka Ed Barber, is a snappy dresser and, as you can see,
his personal hygiene is impeccable.
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uNkLe
eD's
gAwDoFfuL
weB sitE
My
"UNkLe" eD has been making his roadside red, a concoction
of "ingredients" most people find similar to Texas-style chili,
for 24 years. It's a wonder he's survived.
Ed,
general manager of the Independent Florida Alligator, the student
newspaper serving the University of Florida in Gainesville, invites
friend and foe alike to his annual Chili Feast every November. He won't
divulge the recipe for roadside red, and even his friends agree that's
a good thing.
All
he'll say about how roadside red began is the following:
tHe
baLlaD of unkle eD’s
roadSide rEd
now
lissen to ma tale of a man named jed...
no
dat thars anudder one
dis
eres bout ole unkLe eD
hit
wus ah time a gret need in tha lan wen ole unikLe eD e hitched up
his pants spitted in tha road an sed ifn I gotter starve plum up I
rekin I kin starve jest as good or gooder in them thar piney woods
as I kin rite chere
so
unkLe eD e up an lit out fer tha tal tember an as close as anybody
kin tell aint bin back but a fue times asince
corsely
hit took a heep of a gettin use ter im from them thar other critters
in tha woods im bein such a lowdown cus as ta oncet wurked fer a noospapcr
but oncet they seen e jest lacked good sents e done jest fine wid
em but hit wernt eazy fer im
no
siree
hits
a dadgum good thing theys a road cut thru them that woods cuasely
that dere wat reely up an saved is baken
ya
see hit wuz liken is ere unkLe eD e hadd agrub ere an stratch that
an whupp up on ole hard scrabble ta git is next vittles they wus mostly
bits a leefs an grassis an bark an roots an sech but hit wus made
mo flavorsum frum tha bits an pieses a snake an possum an coon an
armydillyoos an toady frogs a that like e wus able ta scrapin up offen
ta road
e
owned up oncet that is best bet wus ta git out thar early ta mornin
an walk tha roads befer tha sun hit got up to hi and tha nites roadkil
started ta spile
unkLe
eD is rul was ifn wen e bended ova an is eyes started ta water frum
tha smell then e jest said nunt-uh ta mista snake or mis possum and
gitted on is way but ifn hit wus jest a little ripe an not to flat e
throed hit in is croacker sack til e gotted enuff ta cover tha taste
ofa somethin that mite be jest a litle to spilled ta is tong
dang
ifn e dittent frow in sum peppurs ta tri an heet hit up a litle an at
thars how hit come ta be called roadside red
n
that thar receipt am tha way hit am done today
Email
UnKle eD:
cebarber (at) alligator.org
(maybe he'll invite you over for some chili)
I
know it's a stretch after reading the above, but Ed Barber actually
is a fine cook, an outstanding newspaperman, a well-respected member
of the community, a great human being, and (believe it or not) quite
literate. I'm proud to call him my friend, even if he's not really my
uncle.
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