The Meal

Your meal is ready! Finally, right? You've only been sitting here for six hours waiting on it. There seems to be some sort of weird time dilation effect that only occurs in restaurants, where customers seem to lose the ability to read clocks correctly. Twenty minutes magically turns into two hours. That, or for some reason they seem to have forgotten that they're at a sit-down restaurant and not in the drive-thru of McDonald's. And as it turns out, your poor waiter has absolutely no control over when your food is ready. If you show up at 7 p.m. on a Saturday and expect your lobster to be ready within 15 minutes then you're the definition of a lunatic. Don't take it out on the staff, and when they say that they're checking on it, they are, because their livelihood depends on it. Look everything over when it hits the table to make sure it's right. If you're missing something let them know, don't just sit there and then complain. If you need anything, let your waiter know and then wait for more than ten seconds for it to be brought. Don't ask for cocktail sauce and then wolf down your shrimp while you're waiting. Don't get up to ask somebody else because you're too impatient to wait for, maybe, an entire minute. Your waiter likely has more than one thing to do and will be back as soon as possible. Make sure you have sauces, napkins and more bread up front so that you don't have to wait on everything as you send your waiter back ten separate times for individual items. And if you complain because you're well-done sirloin is burnt then you don't even deserve to know what a steak is.

Meal Part 1