Before the Meal: The Appetizer

So you're sat, the seater has presented the menus and the waiter approaches. Often times, they are required to give a presentation about the specials and such, and you should let them because it may determine whether or not they have a job at the end of the night. If you're in that much of a hurry you should have gone to Burger King. Most non-local restaurants are run by tyrannical despots who haven't waited a table in 40 years and don't remember that no matter how many times I tell you that the sauce on the salmon is creamy (use of descriptive words is required), you're not going to order it because you came in for the steak. Also, it's incredibly rude to interrupt someone when they haven't even told you their name yet. Here's an example:

Me: "Evening folks, my name is Br-"

Customer: "Sweet tea and water for both of us."

Me: "Well that's fantastic, but as I was saying, my name is Brad and I'd like to tell you about our spec-"

Customer: "Can we go ahead and get some bread? I've got Diabetes and could literally die at any moment."

Me through gritted teeth: "Sure thing. Be right back."

This is not only incredibly rude, but honestly, your out-of-control Diabetes is not my problem and could easily be reined in by dropping about 60 lbs. But I digress. When placing a drink order, do ask for lemons, or anything else you may need. Please, do not try to play dumb when your waiter looks at you incredulously as you ask for a glass of water and a bowl of lemons. You've just outed yourself as probably the cheapest person they're going to wait on all night and from that point don't expect phenomenal service.

Appetizer Part 1 | Appetizer Part 3