Hi everyone. My name is Thomas. I have a mustache. And you can too.

No, I’m just kidding. Some of you will never be able to grow one. Ever.

But for those of who you can, you must remember that, with great power, comes great responsibility.

The responsibility of being superior to everyone. Especially women (most of them anyway).


Some of you are probably wondering: what is a mustache?.

A mustache, not to be confused with moustache, is a patch of hair on your upper lip. It’s also a West African monkey.

Jesus had a mustache. So does Mr. Pringles. Would you know their names if they didn't have mustaches? Probably not.