Growing Up

A long time ago, Kimmel was born in Springfield, MO in the year 2005. At the tender age of 4, Kimmel shredded his first guitar and sang his first chorus in front of the T.V. as he idolized Journey front man Steve Perry. At 6 years old, Kimmel was already a great guitar player, and his voice was mesmerizing. Many a nights, Pete Kimmel’s parents Michael and Karen would invite all of their friends over just to hear Pete shred and harmonize his voice. When the young phenom was 10, he was so smart in school that he had already graduated high school. For 7 years, Kimmel travelled the globe and learned many things about the world that he would write about later in his hit songs. For example, the song “Pyramids of Death” is heavily influenced by Kimmel’s visit to Gaza, Egypt.

Illustrious Career

When he returned, Kimmel was fluent in 7 different languages and he was a master of cultural wisdom. At 18 years of age, Kimmel went on a year long search for his future band members. He assembled Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung in the year 2024 and the band continued to record music in relative obscurity until 2027. The War of the Homeless in 2027 tore our beloved country apart, and although Kimmel was not homeless, his parents were and so he felt that he had to fight.
Finally in 2031, after the War was over, Kimmel returned to the studio with his band to release their immensely popular first LP- The Emotional Rebel. The CD was praised as genius among emo crowds, but it wasn’t until Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung came out with their 2nd, 3rd, and 4th cds that they really became superstars. The band would truly become the most epic band of all time, as they are credited as being the only band ever to achieve enormous popularity in 7 different genres: Emo, Heavy Metal, Rap, Counrty, Pop, Instrumental, and Hispanic.
The duo of front man Pete Kimmel and guitarist Angus Spudlick also consisted of 4 drummers, 3 other guitarists, 2 bassists, a tambourine guy, a harmonica player, a jazz flute player, and 7 backup vocalists to form the most epic band in the history of the universe: Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung. Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung is a German word that means “speed limit.” The super band reached the height of its popularity in 2033 with their third album, Feast on Gypsies, which grossed over $400 million worldwide. Next, Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung entered boldly into the hip-hop scene, where many thought they would miserably fail to adapt. However, Kimmel and company proved the world wrong with the release of their fifth album, Whurr Dem Birdz At?, which featured 3 number one hits (“Dont Smudge Ma Tims”, “Swisha Sweetz”, and “Sellin Birdz Real Quik”).
In another unexpected move, Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung moved their talents to country with the release of Beer Truck Cowboy in early 2036. Their country album had two top ten hits with “Baby I’m Drunk” and “Farmin’ Sucks”. As you might be able to guess, Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung’s next move was to the pop industry. Their eighth album was originally titled Lust, but the band changed the name at the last second to Charisma!. Charisma! was ambitious and again disappointed old fans while gaining many new fans. Critics agreed that while Kimmel’s super band had numerous pop hits, pop was a waste of Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung’s musical talents.
In 2037, Kimmel and Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung would steal back the spotlight with their 6th album, Apocalypse Demons. The older heavy metal fans rejoiced as the band’s long forgotten shredding abilities were finally revisited. Apocalypse Demons was immensely popular, and officially made Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung the richest band in history with over $12 billion in their collective bank accounts.
The band’s last 3 LPs were all released in 2039 after the Great Drought. All 3 albums were very diverse, one was a heavy metal tribute, the other was the famous Hispanic experiment named El Diablo Esta Discontento, and finally an album with only instrumentals appropriately named Instrumentals. Their 10th album Lightning Rod Rollercoaster had 12 top 50 hits alone, including notably “Way too Rad for Grandma,” “Kleptogypsy,” and “Up Yours.”

The Demise

In 2040, the band split up over a highly publicized scuffle at Grassman Hotel in Des Moines, Iowa. On December 8th, 2045, lead guitarist Angus Spudlick allegedly hit drummer Neil Von Krauss with a lamp, starting an all out brawl between various members of the band. The fight broke out after an argument over famous porn star at the time, Beatrix James. To add insult to injury, lead singer Pete Kimmel had been dating James for months before the altercation. Many people speculate that Beatrix James was seeing all three Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung mega stars at the same time. After the fight, Kimmel, Spudlick, and Von Krauss quit the band. Kimmel said in a press conference: “I can’t be friends or make music with these people after they have stabbed me in the back like this.” Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung reformed with the remaining 19 members, but their first album without the trio was a bomb and they disbanded for good in February of 2047.