Who is Pete Kimmel?

Thats easy. Pete Kimmel is the incredibly popular heavy metal artist from the 30's and 40's. After the War of the Homeless in 2027, Kimmel's smooth buttery voice glued harmoniously with the shredtastic guitar riffs of guitarist Angus Spudlick. The merge represented a scenario in which an unstoppable force met an immovable object and both decided to unite into a single unmovable force-object .

Kimmel Vacations

Lead guitarist Angus Spudlick and Pete Kimmel on vacation on a nice beach in Brazil.

Kimmwel Celebrates

Kimmel celebrates with clamoring fans on top of a marble lion. This was the night that he got into trouble with the police for hurling beer bottles at innocent people.

Breif History of Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung

The duo of superstars added 4 drummers, 3 other guitarists, 2 bassists, a tambourine guy, a harmonica player, a jazz flute player, and 7 backup vocalists to form the most epic band in the history of the universe: Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung. Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung is a German word that means “speed limit.” The super band reached the height of its popularity in 2033 with their second album, Feast on Gypsies, which grossed over $400 million worldwide. Next, Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung entered boldly into the hip-hop scene, where many thought they would miserably fail to adapt. However, Kimmel and company proved the world wrong with the release of their 3rd album, Dem Dimunds, which featured 3 number one hits (“Robyn Bankzzz”, “Dem Franklinz”, and “Let ma Gryll Shyyne”).
In another unexpected move, Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung moved their talents to country with the release of Beer Truck Cowboy in late 2034. Their country album had two top ten hits with “Baby I’m Drunk” and “Swervin in my Chevy”. As you might be able to guess, Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung’s next move was to the pop industry. Their 5th album was originally titled Lust, but the band changed the name at the last second to Charisma!. Charisma! is largely seen as the bands only failure, as critics agreed both that their 5th LP lacked the teen pop vibe and that pop music was a waste of Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung’s talent.
In 2037, Kimmel and Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung would steal back the spotlight with their 6th album, Apocalypse Demons. The world rejoiced as the band’s long forgotten heavy metal abilities were finally been revisited. Apocalypse Demons was immensely popular, and officially made Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung the richest band in history with over $12 billion in their collective bank accounts.
The band’s next four albums were all released in 2040 after the Great Drought. All 4 albums were very diverse heavy metal and hip-hop adaptations, and of course they all topped the charts. Their 10th album Lightning Rod Rollercoaster had 12 top 50 hits alone, including notably “Way too Rad for Grandma,” “Kleptogypsy,” and “Down, Up, Repeat.”
After 4 more successful rock and metal albums from 2041-2044, the band split up over a highly publicized scuffle at Grassman Hotel in Des Moines, Iowa. On December 8th, 2045, lead guitarist Angus Spudlick allegedly hit drummer Neil Von Krauss with a lamp, starting an all out brawl between various members of the band. The fight broke out after an argument over famous porn star at the time, Beatrix James. To add insult to injury, lead singer Pete Kimmel had been dating James for months before the altercation. Many people speculate that Beatrix James was seeing all three Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung mega stars at the same time. After the fight, Kimmel, Spudlick, and Von Krauss quit the band. Kimmel said in a press conference: “I can’t be friends or make music with these people after they have stabbed me in the back like this.” Geschwindekeitsbegrunzung reformed with the remaining 19 members, but their first album without the trio was a bomb and they disbanded for good in February of 2047.