C.J is Fonzie

Dr. Pruner's Answers to the Grown-Up Questions

(Note: All views expressed here are C.J Pruner's and not necessarily the views of the University of Florida, the UF College of Journalism and/or the Independent Florida Alligator. Contary to the title, C.J. Pruner has not received any advanced degree from any credible learning instituiton that would qualify him as a doctor (he just has a very sick imagination) If You agree with everything here, you are either a) an awesome human being or b) someone who should seek medical attention immediately).


Which Party Do You Affliate With?

The best answer I can give is “I am an American.” I think that the mainstream American political parties (Republican and Democrat) are absolutely ridiculous as they are both equally corrupt, have more than their fair share of bad ideas and do more to hurt than help this country. I refuse to identify myself as either a conservative or liberal because I think those terms are convenient umbrella terms that people use as a ideological crutch. There are snowflakes worth of ideologies. To conform yourself to either one by default is, I think, ideologically lazy. If you do feel steadfastly attractive to one, you have most likely fallen victim to a few good ideas that have been gift-wrapped in a pile of incredibly bad one. My advice—do some research.

Hey you rambling mountebank, quit ducking behind rhetoric! Tell the people What do you believe on the "home-run" issues?

Listed below is an unofficial "Sparknotes-version" of my political views. Since there are thousands of issues backed by thousands of pages of literature, I do not want to pain you with never-ending jargon. Instead, I will provide you with what I would like to call "drive-by enligtenment."

Healthcare Reform

America should focus on curtailing insurance companies’ bloodsucking policies before expanding a system that’s already losing millions of dollars annually in a country that’s in the midst of a plummeting economic climate

War on Terror

Our Defense policy Should place primary focus in Afghanistan and Pakistan. U.S. should be very weary of Iran and their pursuit for nuclear technology. Iraq is a broken country that will be taken over by Islamic extremists once we (eventually) leave. It’s just a matter of when.


Free-market principles should reign supreme and be allowed to run its course so long as unofficial checks-and-balances of regulation are enforced to prevent cheating and inefficiency in the market. The goal of the market should be to maximize profits and returns for many, not meet the criteria of a select few.

Gay Marriage

For a culture whose marriage rate is literally tantamount to the flip of a coin (50-50) the act of telling people who they should marry seems childish. My opinion, if you want to want to handcuff your freedom to a misses who has a bigger Adam’s apple that Andre the Giant—go for it. The idea of marriage itself, a concept founded to exchange property between bearded men through the sale of their daughters to boys deemed “of good stock,” is a total joke.

Gun Control

If you are a convicted felon with a violent history toward small children, you probably shouldn’t own that 4th anti-aircraft missile. If you show that you are able to obey rules of American society, you should be able to enjoy the rights guaranteed by that society—that includes firearms. I do not own any and personally think guns are just bad news waiting to come out of a barrel, but the more citizens are educated on firearms, the safer our society will be.

Stem Cell Research

We might be doing our society’s health a great injustice if we do not all get behind this. I would easily sacrifice test tubes that have clusters of cells that are named “Benny” or “Kristen” in order to cure Parkinson’s or leukemia


I thought our parents taught us to pick up after ourselves after we’re done making a mess. We must be good stewards of out planet as we approach an Era of Globalization. With that said, I wish natural selection would take care of those tree-hugging hippies. I get that you're behind a cause you deem valiant, but yelling at me because my shirt uses cotton from the Amazon is just ridiculous. For human capital, I award you no points


Leave it for a woman and a doctor to decide--not a legislator, not a judge and most certainly not a sign-waving Jesus freak who just HAS to show me what a charred fetus looks like. If you really want a definitve ruling, let the doctors make a decision. As a guy, I feel I should have to defer on this issue (like a woman should on any political movements geared at testicles.)


Do You Believe in God?

If there is one, He’s either got a cruel sense of humor or gave up trying a few centuries ago. If He (or maybe a she, it, or Supreme Unicorn) is out there, he’s not, as Bill Maher puts it “a single parent who writes books.” If I had one wish, it would be that there was a magic sky wizard who knew all our names, loved us and let us do whatever we want (like that cool summer camp counselor we all had.) I just really can’t rap my head around it, but I won’t disqualify the possibility. All I know is that if there is a God, he better have a voice like Morgan Freeman or Harry Kalas or I'm going to really raise some hell.

Which Religion is the Right One?

It really doesn’t matter. From what it looks like, God was a huge gossip queen and told a lot of rumors. Problem was, he didn’t tell them all exactly right, thus we have religions. I think religions handcuff people’s ability to reason and think critically. If you are capable of living in a world without an eternal babysitter—I’d recommend avoiding them (but you should know about them). They take up too much time, money and human capital. If you have the need (and some of us do need religion) pick the one that helps you maximize your human potential instead of enslaving yourself to tall tales that were used thousands of years ago before TiVo to convey points.

Is the United States a "Christian Nation?"

The United States has a rich history that has had been influenced by men who held Christian ideals. We hold a lot of values in our culture that are analogous to those in Christianity (along with many other religions) But is this a “Christian Nation?”—No and I hope it never does become one. If one closely examines the views of many of our country’s greatest men, (Jefferson, Franklin and Lincoln among others) you will clearly see how they saw a nation meshed with religion as a bad concoction. Anyone in this country may believe (or not believe as I choose to do) anything he or she may like.

What Will You Tell Your Children About Religion?

If I somehow, through (pardon the irreverent pun) an “act of God,” do procreate, I will tell my child that he or she is free to believe whatever they like and encourage them to read everything they can get their hands on. At the end of the day, it’s a decision they’re going to have to make. If they want to dance around singing praises to Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad, Joseph Smith or the Great Queen Spider, they may so long as they know what they believe.


Should There Be a Salary Cap in baseball?

Championships should be earned, not bought by a wealthy few. Baseball is already out of control as small-market teams are getting choked out of acquiring big talent, which generates more money. Note how I didn’t say “not win” as small-market teams have won in the past (Marlins, Rays). They should have a chance to generate as decent profit and be able to produce year-in and year-out instead of being one-and done teams (look at how the Marlins’ roster got incredibly shredded after winning their World Series titles in 1997 and 2003.)

Should College Athletes Get Paid?

I understand that being an NCAA athlete is a full time job with all time spent with team activities, games and practices. However, schools are already investing thousands of dollars per player in tuition, housing, books and other things. This investment itself is already substantial enough. I think it would be unwise right now in this economic climate to spend billions of dollars on salary. Besides, some sports have more of a commitment that others (albeit they all have commitments). Besides, Who's to decide who should get more and how much?

Should there be a college football playoff system?

The current system does have problems (point-based formulas leading to unnecessary blowouts, big conference teams scheduling cupcakes to not lose). However, the system does instill one thing that I really like—heightened sense of competition. Every week is like a playoff game. Lose early, you enter the consolation bracket and have to fight back. Teams that come from joke conferences that are considered legit are forced to test themselves by scheduling tougher teams. Aside from that, how many teams will get in from each conference? If it's staggered, what's a fair way to determine which conference gets more? If its one-team/one-slot, that doesn't illustrate the BEST teams. By this logic you wouldn't get both Texas/OU or UF/LSU/Alabama in the same year--you would just get one. But viewers would be lucky enought to have the assurance of having that 8-4 Big East juggernaut--get real. A playoff system would be too time-consuming and it would probably clash with final semester exams (remember these are "student-athletes." Plus Bowls generate a lot of money for the schools LONG LIVE THE BCS!