Read all about my dangerous lifestyle. Everything is entirely factual as unbelievable as it might sound...
August 5, 1855 - I was born a slug in South America and then I was stepped on by a howler monkey and died.
August 5, 1855 - I was reborn into an Alpaca farming family in Santiago, Chile. I lived a quiet and humble life on an Alpaca farm, where I learned how to grow cumquats and kill people with rocks.
August 5, 1870 - While walking along on a beach in Patagonia, I was mistaken for a seal and eaten by a killer whale.
August 5, 1870 - I was born in Moscow to an aristocratic Russian family. We didnt have any alpacas, but we did have a lot of rubles. So I was much happier here.
August 4, 1895 - I threw myself under a train and died.
August 5, 1895 - I was born again in the United States of America to a New England factory worker and a seamstress.
October 13, 1923 - Ernest Hemingway and I became friends. I encouraged him to write books, he encouraged me to become an alcoholic.
August 1, 1935 - In a drunken rage I kill four dogs and a pelican. I was arrested for disorderly conduct and thrown in jail for four days, where I was killed by another inmate for 50 cents and a bag of marbles.
August 6, 1935 - I was born in a barn on a Texas ranch.
March 30, 1946 - I learned to ride horses and milk cows, which would later prove to be a profitable endeavor.
June 5, 1955 - I became a milkman.
February 22, 1965 - I start my first dairy farm, which would later develop into 500 dairy farms.
November 27, 1943 - I am the biggest milk producer in the United States and enjoy continued success in the dairy business until my demise.
October 12, 1974 - I was recruited by the KGB and that's all I can say about that.
August 5, 1982 - My demise. One day while examing the latest milk harvest, I fell in a vat of milk and drowned.
August 5, 1982 - I was born again at 12:31 am in Sarasota Memorial Hospital.
August 3, 1984 - My younger sister Madeline was born.
June 28, 1986 - My younger sister Rosemary was born.
January 3, 1994 - My parents spawned their last child, Natalie.
July 4, 1989 - I was kicked out the KGB because leaders questioned my committment to the Communism when they caught me moonwalking to Michael Jackson's Thriller album.
August 2000 - I began attending the University of Florida as a journalism student.
March 16, 2004 - I turned in this Web site to Professor Carlson.