The word America has come to mean many different things to many different people.

To some, America is the ability to choose between 20 different brands of butter in the grocers’ refrigerated sections.

To others, America is the opportunity to earn a living and raise their children in a safe place.

To some, America means being able to reel into the nearest convenience store, completely inebriated, at 3 a.m. to buy 10 bags of Funyuns when you know damn-well you could never eat them all in one night.

As it is clear to see, America means a lot of different things to a lot of very different people. And we understand that. It is this very diversity that makes America so great.

Bosche and I are completely dedicated to ensuring that America can mean all of those things and more. This country is yours and your children’s and we will help you make it your home.

We promise you that we will do our best to see that you are having fun in all that you do while we ensure our domestic tranquility in a time of global terror and international uprising.

Imagine a government television station that airs only videos of practical jokes. Imagine a government radio station that broadcasts only humorous songs. Can you hold back your laughter? We promise you will not be able to contain yourself.

Now imagine an America that takes its troops far from harm and launches an extensive organization whose only goal will to be to play elaborate pranks on terrorists and leaders of hostile nations. We will see which dictators can direct a weapons program when they sleep in fear of phony letters being written in their names and humorously doctored versions of their latest speeches being released to the press.

In our changing times, we know that you, too, want to take America back. We know that you, too, want a more fun America.


Chris White

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