There was a boy standing on a corner selling fish. He was saying, "Dam fish for sale, dam fish for sale." A preacher walked up and asked why he was calling them dam fish. The kid said, "I caught them at the dam, so they're dam fish." The preacher bought some, took them home and asked his wife to cook the dam fish. His wife looked at him in bewilderment and said, "Preachers aren't supposed to talk like that." The preacher explained why they were dam fish, and she agreed to cook them. When dinner was ready and everyone was sitting down, the preacher asked his son to pass him the dam fish. His son replied, "That's the spirit dad. Pass the fucking potatoes!"
There was a little boy whose mother was about to have a baby. One day, the little boy walked in and saw his mother naked. He asked his mother what the hair between her legs was. She responded, "It's my wash cloth." Weeks later, after the mother had her baby, the young boy walked in on his mother again. While she was in the hospital, the doctor had shaved her pubic hair. The boy asked, "What happened to your wash cloth?" The mother responded, "I lost it." The little boy, trying to be helpful, set out to find his mother's washcloth. A few days later, he ran to his mother yelling and screaming, "I found your washcloth." The mother, thinking that the child was just playing, went along with the boy and asked, "Where did you find it?" The boy answered, "The maid has it! She is washing daddy's face with it."
Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" he asked. "Oh, Bill, you didn't," she said. "Yes, I did," he told her. "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" she asked. "Oh... she got fired too."
Why did O. J. Simpson want to move to West Virginia? Everyone has the same DNA.
One day the first grade teacher was reading the story of the Three Little Pigs to her class. She came to the part of the story where the first pig was trying to accumulate the building materials for his home. She read, "...And so the pig went up to the man with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said, 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of that straw to build my house?'" The teacher paused then asked the class, "And what do you think that man said?" One little boy raised his hand and said, "I know"..he said 'Holy Shit! A talking pig!'"