Welcome to my list of ...

The World's Ugliest Rock Bands

These guys are all "Living La Vida Ugly!"
A few rules on who makes the list.
First off, any group which tries to be ugly as part of their gimmick isn't allowed (sorry Manson).
Secondly, no solo artists -- no matter how horribly deformed they may be (or have become as in Michael Jackson's case).
And lastly, this list is by no means set in stone. Up-and-coming bands do have a shot at someday making the ugly all-star team.
And so, here is my list of the scariest looking performers to ever grace a stage.

	Fifth Place Blues Traveler Ok, some of you may find it unfair that I pick on a band just because they sport a fat frontman, but the truth is nobody in this group is winning second prize in a beauty contest. The Travelers were able to parley their side-show quality looks into a heavyweight indie-rock career. They'll be coming to a buffet near you soon!
Fourth Place Spinal Täp I'm not sure if these guys are really ugly, or if they're just acting the part. Either way on a scale of one to 10, this gruesome pseudo-group cranks up an ugly 11!
	Third Place The Scorpions This band had it all: a skinny, balding, middle-aged frontman with a penance for leopard skin spandex pants; an pair of Teutonic axe-masters with free flowing "Mullet" locks; and a rhythm section comprised of two guys old enough to be your high school principals. But these guys stuck to their guns, never dolling it up (ala Poison) to get the chicks. Through hard work and relentless touring, these Heavy Metal homlies became the biggest band ever to come straight outta Deutschland.
Ugly Band Runner-Up Journey "Don't stop believing," these guys are scary looking. The '80s-premium-power-balladeers turned-'90s-"Where are they now?"-episode actually peaked in pure vile-lookingness during the '70s. Can you say mountains of curly hair and big-collared shirts? Fronted by Steve "the Nose" Perry, Journey couldn't "Escape" the simple fact that they weren't the most hansom of rock heartthrobs. These guys were the kings of '80s "Trailer Rock." The mere mention of their name make me want to go out and cruise the beach for chicks in a Trans Am with "Wheel in the Sky" blaring from the speakers.
	And our winner ... The Ugliest Band in the Land ... Iron Maiden The ugly yardstick by which all other bands are measured against. In the mid '80s, they topped the looks-lacking charts. No 'N Sync pretty boys here. Nope, these guys were so ugly, puppies wouldn't lick them when they were babies. Any groupies the band members garnered were earned from musical mastery, not easily won by a cute face and some onstage ass-wiggling (luckily, those hours spent as teens strumming guitars alone in the basement while all the good-looking guys were out on dates paid off for these blokes). While they may be winners in the realm of homely rock 'n' roll gods, record sales in the '90s haven't been exactly kind to the Maiden. But they are on the comeback trail, retooled and as ugly as ever. Check out their new album "Brave New World," it kicks ass.

Honorable mention(Ugly but not forgotten): Aerosmith, Quiet Riot, the Ramones, Motörhead (Lemmy's facial Coco Puffs take the cake), Black Sabbath (during the Dio years, "Ugly, Bloody Ugly") and the Oak Ridge Boys.

And now, I'm proud to present "SuperYuck," the ultimate ugly supergroup!
Here's a glimpse at the scariest looking specimens collected from various bands and gathered into one repulsive rock outfit.

Vocals: Shane MacGowan (the Pogues)	This guy's got worse teeth than a jack-o-lantern!		Bass: Bill Wyman (Rolling Stones)	More like the Oldest Stone. This guy made Keith Richards look like a hunk.
Lead Guitar: Mick Mars (Mötley Crüe)	"Look Gomez! Cousin It knows how to play guitar."		Drums: Nicko McBrain (Iron Maiden)	Who needs Eddie? Just stick this guy's mug on the album covers.
Rhythm Guitar: Ric Ocasek (the Cars)	"You might think I'm homely ... All I am is neck."		Keyboards: Edgar Winter (noted albino)	Wrote "Frankenstein." Is often mistaken for "The Invisable Man."

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